Mystery Pooper Targeting Holes Of Local Golf Courses

The groundskeeper of a local golf course said a mystery pooper targeting course holes must be a man “because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.”

The golf club’s groundskeeper said he has been finding human feces and toilet paper in course holes since 2005.

“He has a couple of favorite holes,” he told a local newspaper. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.”

“He poos only on weekdays. On weekends I have never found poo on the golf course,” he said. He said the fecal discoveries are usually accompanied by used toilet paper.

The managing director of the club said the mystery pooper used to arrive via bicycle.

“In the early morning dew we observed bicycle tracks on the course. Footsteps showed that he had done his business, and the bicycle tracks disappeared back the way they came,”.

Another groundskeeper said the club installed high-powered spotlights to discourage the defecation, but the poop-etrator disabled them.

“He climbed up a tree next to the lights and wriggled far out on a branch and dismantled the spotlights. How he managed the feat without electrocuting himself or falling is a riddle,” he said.

The mystery pooper’s motives are unknown.

“Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf” he said.